Covenant

I stopped believing in Love

1 John 4:8

 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

I just stopped believing in love! It was not real to me! No one was ever going to love me I didn't believe it. The bible says God is love well if I didn't believe in love how could I believe there was a God out there. Especially a God that is love himself. Love was pain to me so why would I ever want a God of love if love was just pain? I did not know love because I did not know God! I was thirsty for love searching for it in a world that showed me love is pain!

The Fear Of Love

1 John 4:18

 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

My greatest fear has always been love. The bible says there is no fear in love so how can that be? The bible says that fear hath torment which means physical or mental suffering. Everyone whoever said they loved me at a young age hurt me. Now I know everyone gets hurt but I haven't been able to function because within me has been a constant fight within myself to overcome the trauma. I couldn't even live in my own body with comfort. I started to fear love, believe that love was not real and that people don't love! I was more than afraid of love my whole life that I wouldn't allow love to come in! 

Thirsty For love

^{John 4:15-18}

 The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw.

¹⁶ Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither.

¹⁷ The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband:

¹⁸ For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.

This woman had been with so many different men in her life. God was offering her living water to quench her thirst for love. That has always been me thirsty for love so I went out and thought I could find it in men, woman, whoever would offer it to me. Love became sex, which became just another way to feel that closeness just to feel wanted even for the moment. Just love me for the moment even If you don't stay I just need to feel wanted and useful. I need to feel like something because I don't feel like anything. This woman came to the well at a time were others didn't because she was outcasted  because of her thirst for love. It's crazy how we do the opposite of what we think people need people outcasted this woman because she was thirsty for love instead of loving her. They starved her! For so long people used me for my body because I would give up my body freely. They knew I was Thirsty for love. Starving for it so why didn't they just love me? Or give me what I needed? Jesus came to this woman at the well and offered her living water so that she would never thirst again. He offered her Salvation! He wanted to redeem her so she wouldn't have to go searching for love in other place's but to know that he loved her! The woman at the well was ready she was tired of being thirsty for love. Seeing God is love your thirst for love will not be quenched unless God quenches it. He gave her the love she had been looking for and quenched her thirst!

I Believe In Love!

John 3:16

 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

My struggle was at first was to understand that God loved me! Yet then oneday God showed me that he loved me! I was at a summer camp and God told me I love you! To grasp and understand that God loved me was beautiful! Yet to believe that I person could ever love me and stay was another story. God is God and the bible says he will never leave you nor forsake you. It's funny though how we can read scripture and never truly see  the words popping out to us. For God so loved! God loves! He loved the world so much he gave his only begotten son to die on the cross for out sins! Now that is love to give up your own son for the sins of the world! Thats alot of sins but Jesus took them all to the cross and died for us. What a huge debt to pay for a person who had no sin! Yet he did it all in love!

^{Genesis 29:18} 

And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter.

So once I knew that God loved me it was hard to believe that people loved. I wanted God to be everything I needed and more yet didn't believe I needed anyone in my life. Yet I wanted a family but who was going to love a girl like me who has been in the places that I have been in life? Then I saw it Jacob a Man loved Rachael. Now I am no Rachael! I was more of the Harlot type woman so then you can get discouraged because who would love a ex harlot right?

Hosea 3

3 Then said the Lord unto me, Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress, according to the love of the Lord toward the children of Israel, who look to other gods, and love flagons of wine.

² So I bought her to me for fifteen pieces of silver, and for an homer of barley, and an half homer of barley:
³ And I said unto her, Thou shalt abide for me many days; thou shalt not play the harlot, and thou shalt not be for another man: so will I also be for thee.


Hosea did just that he loved his wife though she went out and played the harlot he took her back. Bought her back  and told her that she would be for him and not another man. He loved her despite of where she had been but he loved her! No I know that even a woman who played the harlot can receive love that even she is worthy the price that was payed. That she can be redeemed just as anyone else in this world who didn't play the harlot! I believe that I am loved by God, can be loved by others, and finally I love myself! Now longer thirsty for love because I am loved! So because I know I am loved I can accept love in without having such a need for it because I don't lack in that area anymore. I believe in love!